(Over the course of ten months in 1985, a demented biology professor broke the noses off of eighty stone statues installed in Rome’s Villa Borghese Gardens, including notable works by the sculptor Gian Lorenzo Bernini. Upon his arrest, police discovered that the man was carrying all of the noses with him in a plastic bag. When asked why he had attacked the statues, he claimed, “The KGB are after me.” He then gave the police a slip of paper on which he’d written, “I am a UFO.”)